I don’t know why, but I’m getting the uncontrollable urge to go out and hit a widget with a hammer. A big hammer. A big, burly hammer that puts hair on your chest every time you whack something. Actually, scratch that. I want a huge open-end wrench made out of gnarly cast iron. I’ll go around tightening huge bolts and beating massive boilers until boiling-hot oil come bursting out and gives me severe burns across the better half of my body. Wait — scratch that last part.
Don’t you get it? I wanna work. I wanna go out every day and make things happen. I wanna be the guy behind the guy. I wanna get grease under my fingernails. Wait, how on Earth would I get it under my fingernails? Don’t you use the tops of your fingernails to do things? How would it get under the fingernails, that’s not even possible.
Oh, never mind. I’m completely turned off to the whole business. It’s time to go back to my fulfilling life of commenting on YouTube videos and eating cold Chef Boyardee right out of the can.
(Many thanks to our good friend Charles Schneider for sending this video our way)