I don’t drink. It’s not because I don’t want to; I’m not allowed to. I’ll get around to it eventually. However, If I did drink, I have a feeling I’d have a Танк Бар every night to take the edge off. I’d have one with dinner and I’d have one before bed. When I went out to eat I’d ask the waiter to bring me a helmet, a shovel, a keg, and a fire extinguisher so I could have a Танк Бар with my meal. At family gatherings I’d have my grandmother smash colorful drinks over my head while shouting at me in Russian, so I could have the proper Танк Бар experience. The Танк Бар will be my drink of choice even though that’s probably not what it’s called.

I can’t think of a better way to drink. Now you don’t have to drunkenly fight the surly looking fellow at the end of the bar to get a concussion. Just ask the bartender and he’ll do it for you. It’s important to remember that the blows to the head enrich the drinking experience, and bring out hidden flavors in the alcohol. Now you can really taste the vodka.