I don’t know what game this is, but I want it. I want a copy for every single one of my friends, so we can all get together and plot the destruction of the Western World with our army of flaming, explosive-spewing super-tanks. I’ll insist on adding more cannons and spikes to our contraptions, so we have a Mad Max via Bismarck vibe. If the Germans can do one thing it’s generate a great nation-stomping vibe. What they do after they get that vibe going can be very controversial; they seem to have a history of flattening their neighbors whenever the mood takes them.

Theoretically, if we all wear leather pants and put spikes on everything our armies will be unstoppable. Well, our virtual armies. Real life is a lot harder. We’ll have to deal with the immense logistics of equipping troops with enough spikes to make Kaiser Wilhelm II blush without completely crippling our supply lines. In order to get an appropriate spike to troop ratio, daily rations need to be removed entirely. Food is a lot bulkier that you would expect, and spikes take top priority. To prevent mass starvation, I’ve devised a type of edible spike that can be worn, eaten, and used to impale enemies. A slightly frozen McChicken fashioned into the classic, spiky shape can do some serious damage. Hopefully, the smell of frosty fast food will distract the enemy long enough for my troops to get within impaling range. We didn’t have any room in the supply van for real weapons, so I’m afraid everyone gets a box of frozen McChickens and that’s about it. I plan on starting a new McDonald’s franchise in each city we take to finance our efforts and make the war worthwhile.

That is, if we ever get past our digital planning stages. I haven’t even gotten around to buying the game yet.