The Car Built For Номёя
I’m not ashamed to admit that the car in the video goes faster than mine. I’m pretty sure that it gets better gas mileage too, but I can’t tell. They’re using some kind of off-brand metric system to measure everything. Our cars get three trench-lengths to the soul of one capitalist lackey! Our tractor can plow four central oblast latrine chutes per pound of suet!
Then again, the used car I’m supposed to be driving got decommissioned like a rusty destroyer in 1946 during the Cash for Clunkers Five-Year Plan extravaganza we had a few years back. All I’ve got it is a rusty bicycle with two under-inflated tires, so it’s not too difficult to go faster than I do, and my gas mileage isn’t really an issue. Mom fills me up with Walmart hot dogs and grilled cheese sandwiches, and I pedal as fast as I can. The EPA, NHTSA, and the DOT don’t have a measurement for it yet. They’re still working on polar bears to the ice floe ratios, and cow farts per troposphere tangent. They’ll get around to Schwinn cranks to the pothole eventually, I hope.
All in all, that is one spiffy looking vehicle. It’s definitely got a dash of Soviet Bloc of cheese in the design, and it has angles sharp enough to cut that cheese, too. No matter; it’s something I’d drive if I was given the chance. As long as it can go 300 hectares on a hogshead of kerosene I’d say that it’s one of the best cars to come out of the collapsing Soviet Union. At least he can take solace in the killer sound system and listen to the Leningrad Cowboys on the way to his job at the concrete baby shoe factory.
3 thoughts on “The Car Built For Номёя”
“Put it in “H”!”
With apologies. It’s the first site I found with the clip I had in mind.
I prefer the one Johnny Cash put together from his gym bag. The Psychobilly Cadillac. Come on back!
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