First we invented the wheel. Then a bunch of stuff happened and we decided to drop everything and go to the Moon. Naturally, there were some important bits in-between the wheel and the Moon landing, but it’s all inconsequential. Two major events with a bunch of stuff in-between is how humans function. We like to look at the big picture instead of mucking about with all the details.

Here’s another example: first we discovered that beating your neighbors to death with a rock is much more efficient that using your bare hands, and then we invented ballistic missiles. Again, there was some folderol in-between, but who’s interested in that stuff? What are you some kind of nerd? Beer and missiles are the only human inventions that matter. If it doesn’t have something to do with missiles or beer-pouring robots, I don’t want to hear about it.

“But, Charlie…” you might say,

“What about penicillin, the compass, irrigation — Zima? Aren’t those major achievements as well?”

First of all, I don’t know where you’re getting these ludicrous ideas, but it’s got to stop. None of those things involve missiles in any way, shape, or form, so I’d prefer it if you never mention them in my company again. Implying that penicillin is on the same level as Zima is absolutely shameful.