Nothing fancy, mind you. It just needs to capture our essential, well, whatsis. The American national anthem used to serve us pretty well, but it’s starting to lose its tone if you ask me. The rocket’s red glare, bombs bursting in air, and so forth and so on sounds pretty invigorating, but there’s a decided lack of interest in getting up in time to see the dawn’s early light these days. We need something from the land of the midnight sun, I reckon.

This one’ll do. It’s got mammoths and vikings and whatnot. Two-thirds of it looks like a Molly Hatchet album cover, and the other third looks like it should be painted on the side of Bill Brasky’s van. You know the one; it’s covered with skulls.

Do you ride mammoths bareback, or do you have a little saddle? I need to know.