So the New England Patriots lost a football game on Sunday, called for Pushing and Shoving Without A Hall Pass, or maybe it was Unsportsmanlike Conduct: Dad, He’s Looking At Me, or perhaps someone used salty language or something. I really couldn’t figure out what they were talking about, and am beginning to lose interest. Go be concussed somewhere else.

But every once in a while, football-like behavior is detected. It’s almost worth wading through the commercials to see it. By the way, speaking about the commercials, doesn’t anyone in America have a vehicle to drive already, and why can’t they get a boner? And what exactly are you and the old lady gonna do in two bathtubs?