I admit it. I’m shocked. Did you see the way that guy treated his players? But then again, I’m stunned to find out that soccer teams have coaches. I just assumed it was a sort of random activity on a lawn, sorta like ruminant animals grazing. And I’m shocked that a soccer coach would apparently want their team to win games, and excoriate the players if they don’t.
I’ve seen soccer games — or matches, or whatever soccer-playing people call the seventeen hours of drowsy activity that constitute the activity — and I thought the central thrust of the whole business was avoiding scoring at any cost. Well, that and vuvuzela orchestra practice in the stands. Hell, for a while, watching all the fights in the stands, and all the pointless milling around on the grass, I began to suspect that soccer was a sport played by 75,000 hooligans on a sloped field filled with benches, watched by a few spectators on an infield and shut-ins and people who’ve lost their driver’s licenses via TV.
But now that I’ve seen the unholy love child of Vince Lombardi and General George S. Patton coaching this team properly, I may have to give soccer another looksee.