Remind Me Again. Who Won the Cold War?

Remind Me Again. Who Won the Cold War?

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So this Siberian nutjob made a log cabin sauna on top of the Soviet version of a Jeep Wagoneer. Then he picked up a load of pallet lumber and stripp… er, I mean “showgirls.” Then he drives around while they thrash each other with birch branches and giggle.

You know, we went to the moon, cured polio, tamed rivers, put big chrome fins on cars, and otherwise bestrode the world like a colossus. We weren’t losers, exactly, but it’s dawning on me that we may have suffered from misplaced priorities. Why sweat a few Chernobyls and famines along the way, if the road leads to a log cabin steambath paradise?

Go Fast. Take Chances. Listen to Bad Music

Go Fast. Take Chances. Listen to Bad Music

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Well, it’s a great compilaton of longboarding video they’ve cobbled together. At the 1:45 mark, they’re longboarding through flames, which is usually what everyone wishes would happen to skateboarders. Longboarders shouldn’t get lumped in with annoying sidewalk surfers, though. They’re a chill bunch, and don’t often overturn random baby strollers while missing on an ill-advised ollie outside the 7-11. They just hit a pebble while going 45 MPH and end up in a drainage ditch covered with road rash. If you roll up your windows as you pass the crash site, you can’t even hear them moaning, so what’s the harm?

In This Episode of Bad Ideas, Ten Robots Steal a Truck

In This Episode of Bad Ideas, Ten Robots Steal a Truck

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Apparently no one at Boston Dynamics watches movies with robots in them. This will end badly. Any Tom, Dick, or Harry, or Dr. Smith could tell you that. The particular way it will end badly is unknown, it’s true. Look up Karl Popper to learn more about that. I don’t think Karl Popper even met a robot, but he’d be the first to tell you that bad things happen when you make robots. Then again, he said bad things happen when you make anything, or decline to make anything, so I’m not sure he’s all that useful for planning your robotapocalypse.

Anyway, your typical borderline sociopathic boy doesn’t care about any of that. We want robots, and we want them yesterday. It’s better if they look like Alicia Vikander, but we’ll settle for Iditarod also-rans, like the video. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ask my mother for $400 for a pallet of C batteries. No reason, mom. Just planning ahead.

The Sport of Kings (of the Hill)

The Sport of Kings (of the Hill)

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https://youtu.be/UjoaitEexAE

Ah, America. Anything can be turned into a contest in the good old United States, and usually is. That’s a good thing, within limits.

America has bad contests here and there. There are competitive cooking shows, for instance. The format makes no sense, and the rules even less. If you really wanted to have a cooking contest, you’d time how long it takes a blowsy waitress to bring you that glass of water you asked for fifteen minutes ago, and a clean fork. But no one likes a countdown clock with infinity on it, so we have to settle for contestants who form soup into a tower and mix drinks with dry ice and coriander in them.

Beauty pageants are another thing I don’t get. I don’t care for their bizarro world ranking system. Since only women and men who aren’t interested in women watch them, the rules are bent to assure the selection of the girl voted least likely to steal a boyfriend. Sophia Loren once came in second in a beauty contest, for example. I’m sure the judges conferred and agreed that if they selected her, their wives wouldn’t show them so much as an ankle for a calendar year. So some non-threatening contestant was chosen, and all the women watching agreed that she was the true beauty of the bunch. She had an inner beauty, surely. See: Andie MacDowell for the prototype.

No true blue Americans don’t want competitive cooking shows. They want pie eating contests. And roto-tiller racing, of course. The sport of kings (of the hill).