Chernobyl: The True Story

Chernobyl: The True Story

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This is the mindset that begets the Elephant’s Foot. There’s something in the water they’re drinking over there, which by this time is probably all heavy water, that causes them to yell, “Hold my vodka and watch this.” Then they invade Afghanistan. Who’d be nuts enough to try that?

Anyways, to be honest, this experiment isn’t that risky. You’d only really be in danger if you’re made out of speaker cones or tin foil. Then again, you never know what the next fad will be with kids these days. Before you know it they’ll be sticking tiny speakers into their ears and pumping music directly into their heads. Hey, that concept sounds like it might just catch on. I should try to get a patent on that.

Do You Want Karate?

Do You Want Karate?

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Sweet bo staff skills. He seems a little riled up though. Maybe someone should go tell him to calm down. On second thought that doesn’t sound like a good idea. Someone, please go tell him that the judges are scared and they want to go home. They’ve also asked me to add “Please, we have families. For the love of God don’t hurt us.” But there’s no way I’m approaching our little manic friend after a performance like that.

The judges need to accept the facts.That bo staff kid is out there. He can’t be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead — or you give him a participation award and a juice box.

COME AT ME TOVARISH

COME AT ME TOVARISH

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Sixteen-bit music makes everything better. You could have the soundtrack for this video playing at a funeral and it would make it into a party. Not that funerals aren’t already parties. I only attend funerals of people I don’t like. My wife wears a low-cut red mini dress, and I bring noisemakers and confetti. If you’re not the life of the funeral, you’re doing it wrong.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to use a 16-bit soundtrack to liven up all of my otherwise boring daily activities. I’ll have a soundtrack for when I chase down and assault the joggers who go by my house. For when the mailman finds the surprise I left him in the mailbox. In the unlikely event that I find a job, I’ll have a great soundtrack for shredding important documents and disrupting meetings with roundhouse kicks to the dork at the whiteboard.

And remember: Never give up! Never surrender! And never stop smoking!

Lunch Break At The BSBFB

Lunch Break At The BSBFB

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After a long hard day the entire BSBFB office has gone out for a bite to eat. You can see Rex, our head writer, there on the far left. Fido, our lead editor, is in the middle. Duke, our foreign consultant, is hopping up in the back, and Princess, our head of personnel, has the whip.

If you look very closely, you can see me in the front row.  I’m the one who’s barking, and is a brown, black, and white color.