BSBFB

Did You Ever Have One Of Those Days?

July 19, 2019 aubuchon Comments 0 Comment

I don’t like to brag, but I’ve met a girl before. Talked to her and everything. I’ve seen many more while out and about, but the restraining orders keep upping the yardage I’m required to keep between me and them, which makes conversation difficult. I’ve even heard rumors from my dad that mom used to be a girl before she was a mom. Anyway, maybe it’s just me, but I’m fairly sure that many women can cut a tomato without a trip to the emergency room. They seem to be able to iron a garment without burning down the house. Several of them have boiled pasta without incident. A solid plurality of the girls in my life have been able to operate both pillows and blankets. As a matter of fact, they seem to be able to operate blankets a little too well on cold nights.

Anyway, I wish I could have met some of the women in this infomercial compilation instead of the ones I always encountered. Maybe they would have actually gone for my pickup lines.

Real Men Don’t Hate Their Jobs

July 18, 2019 aubuchon Comments 1 comment

That’s not to say their jobs are picnics, although you do have to eat sandwiches out in the open every day. Those gents are wearing hardhats and safety vests for a reason. For real men, jobs are jobs. You trade your sweat for some lucre. You’re not “passionate” about it, whatever that means. You’d do something easier if it was on offer, but increased difficulty translates into increased wages. And a piece of those wages gets you into a club on the weekend to show off your TikTok dance routine. In the meantime, your mates are a little tired, and dirty, and could use a little laugh to make the day go by faster. No sweat.

370 MPH To 0 In Ten Seconds Or Your Pizza Is Free

July 17, 2019 aubuchon Comments 0 Comment

https://youtu.be/nlvwAHY3hfM

I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be inside a screaming metal deathtrap. I was expecting more of a 2001 A Space Odyssey sort of thing where you can watch yourself turn into a giant freaky space baby, so I’m a bit disappointed. There was a distinct lack of space babies in this video and way too much salt for my liking.

The driver seems to be okay. I saw bits of him moving after the crash, but whether or not those bits are attached to anything important is anyone’s guess.

Disregard Females, Acquire Currency

July 16, 2019 aubuchon Comments 1 comment

The untamed fields of rich, wavy follicles adorning the face of every man can give an accurate picture of whether they’re the sort of person you want to associate yourself with. For example, growing out a full beard takes patience. Women are attracted to patient men because it means they’re perfectly suited to dealing with everyday problems in a level headed manner that won’t cause extra stress — and they can use the beard to store personal items.

A man with just a mustache can send mixed messages depending on the style of soup strainer they’re sporting. Anything along the lines of what Nietzsche had is acceptable, but after that it can get tricky. With a few strokes of a razor you can go from lumberjack, to pedophile, to genocidal dictator, so be careful out there.

Now, with all that information taken into account, we here at the BSBFB really can’t recommend drinking hair tonic to make your beard grow. It may be poison, which is bad enough, but it tastes like Zima, which is worse.