In Soviet Russia, Magazine Loads YOU

In Soviet Russia, Magazine Loads YOU

[Video Warning: Some salty language and gratuitous usage of memes at around the two minute mark]

The Swiss must be furious.

After all the effort they’ve poured into their fancy little knife it gets blown away by a 70 year old piece of Soviet Engineering. Don’t get me wrong, if I’m ever in a situation where I need a miniature knife, screwdriver, and or file nothing beats a Swiss army knife. On the off chance I ever need to do something useful the Swiss army knife leaves much to be desired. This is where the AK mag really seems to shine. It is entirely capable of driving a nail, screwing a screw, and mercilessly striking down my enemies. The magazine also acts as a bottle opener so you can do all that while completely off your face. To be fair, the Swiss never stood a chance.

Soviets: 1
Capitalist Pigs: 0

[Many thanks to our friend of impeccable taste, Gerard at American Digest ]

Adventures In Cyrillic Senior Service

Adventures In Cyrillic Senior Service

In Russia they don’t slow down for much. It doesn’t matter if a tire has gone flat or they’re being shelled by howitzers, they absolutely refuse to stop. If the moon came crashing down onto the Earth I doubt they would even notice let alone care. Driving on a road in Moscow seems about as safe as Russian roulette with a shotgun. Trying to cross a six lane intersection without air support and someone laying down cover fire is downright absurd. Our friend on the motorcycle seems to be the only person to have noticed.

I’m absolutely positive that dedushka would not have made it to the other side. The only person keeping him from being turned into a pancake was motorcycle man. So we salute you anonymous motorcycle man, may your tires stay mended and your breakdowns be few.

[A massive thank you to the awe-inspiring Charles Schneider for gracing us with another video]

Hey, Fellas — Hold My Saké And Watch This

Hey, Fellas — Hold My Saké And Watch This

Oh boy, more adventures on the Cyrillic side of Youtube. Any video title starting with a backwards R immediately garners my fullest attention, but I smell a rat. The fellow in the video is speaking Japanese and the video is obviously not taken from the dashcam of a minivan plowing through Saint Petersburg. So what gives? The distinct lack of vehicular manslaughter proves my point even further. Something is rotten in Denmark — err, I mean Vladivostok.

On closer inspection I have concluded that the video is a perfect hybrid of Japanese weirdness and Cyrillic nonsense. You have the Japanese fellow attempting to brush his teeth with an air pistol, and the Cyrillic gibberish to show that he means business. He does a pretty thorough job too, in between screams.

You’ll notice that he’s just as surprised as anyone else that it works.

[Many thanks to the illustrious Jonathan Frost-Johnson for sending us this video]

Man, Zaphod Beeblebrox Really Let Himself Go

Man, Zaphod Beeblebrox Really Let Himself Go

In the books I don’t remember reading anything about him having mouths for nipples, or a singing belly button. I guess he had one too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.

“[The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy] says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”

I’ve got to hand it to him though, he can still pick up interstellar chicks like nobody’s business. There’s a man who knows where his towel is. I haven’t ventured much further than my mailbox in recent years, so I’m not sure what the modern space woman has to offer. I’m just glad to see someone has picked up where I left off.

[Infinite thanks to the wise and all-seeing Charles Schneider for sending this video along]