Way out East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Colin Furze. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Colin Furze, he called himself Colin Furze. Now, Colin Furze — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
Yes, I do say, that’s British music at its finest, that is. It’s full of quality craftsmanship, not like that Yankee rubbish. You know what they say, the colonies are a byword for shoddy craftsmanship, just like the Germans!
The British are a funny people. Part Norman, part Saxon, part Angle, part Dane, 100-percent crazy. They conquered 25 percent of the planet for giggles, they birthed the greatest countries on Earth from a little isle that barely shows up on a map, and I’m not entirely sure how they got so good at creating absurdly productive any useful people. Moreover, I’m not sure where all of those people went, but I know one thing for certain — they’re all completely nuts.
Well, he’s got me beat. I never have more than 50 dollars in the safe at any time so hitting me up for cash is definitely disappointing. I did earn a considerable amount of money when I was very young, but it’s all gone now. I spent it all on ludicrously expensive gummi worms imported from the gummi mines of São Paulo, which is known for their quality gummis. I’ll admit that I’m strangely attracted to the word gummi, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m one cheap dinner date away from going broke. When I gaze long into my wallet the wallet also gazes into me. If Nietzsche knew that 125 years later a lowly cretin would butcher his line with such glee I don’t think he would have bothered writing it down — or maybe he would have cheered up a bit. Existentialists take themselves so seriously for some reason. If he ever looked in the mirror and saw his righteous mustache I think he would have lightened up a little.
Back to the material world: my wallet is an abyss to reckon with. Even if I put a couple dollars in it the money would disappear faster than I could ever get around to spending it. I don’t ever buy anything, so I guess there isn’t a problem, but I’d like to have option. I like to politely decline. It’s a lot more satisfying to say that you won’t do something instead of saying that you can’t. I’d rather have the money and decline to spend it instead of having no money and not spending it anyways. The difference is subtle, but it makes a world of difference.