Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic man. Toby Segar will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster, but he’ll still be a ginger. I’m sorry, nothing can fix that. It’s genetics, there’s nothing we can do. Unless you want to dye your hair every five minutes, but that seems like way too much work. I think it would be much easier to follow through with the whole six-million-dollar man deal, and forget your debilitating gingerness. We can rebuild what’s broken, and make you better overall, but we can’t make you any less of a flaming ginger.
At least the bear has a bright future in IT if the Muppet Show ever tanks. He’s a natural. I worked at an IT call center for a while; then I started threatening to behead everyone who called. I was quickly relieved of my duties, but I’ll fondly remember my three days of gainful employment. As you can imagine I never had the patience. I don’t suffer fools gladly, and fools call the police on me often. It’s not a good combination when you have to interface with humans every day. On the other hand, the bear seems like he can handle anything.
They’ve done it again, and I ain’t even mad. After this long you’d think that nothing coming out of Japan would surprise me; but this did. I’m not only surprised, I am impressed. I have no idea what’s happening, I am appalled by everything, and I want to vomit. The vomiting may just be incidental, considering I ate a twelve pack of foot-long Slim Jims for dinner, and washed it down with a fifteen year old bottle of Crystal Pepsi.
But my deplorable eating habits are not the issue here. The issue is whether we dropped too many A-bombs on Japan, or not nearly enough. At the moment, I’m leaning toward too many. I think the radiation did something weird to their national psyche to make them want to publicly broadcast this drivel. Or, perhaps I’m just a stick in the mud and need to get with the times.
It’s like, 2010, I think; I need to loosen up. I’m pretty sure Clinton is still president, but I’d need to check.