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I Can Proudly State That I Have No Idea What’s Going On

I Can Proudly State That I Have No Idea What’s Going On


It’s not that I don’t know where Uzbekistan is. It’s just that I don’t care where Uzbekistan is. It’s over there near Trashcanistan and Beheadistan and Gasflareistan somewhere. Honestly, who gives a crap?

But even though I don’t know what’s going on, and for all I know the unintelligible lyrics in the soundtrack are about microwaving kittens or drinking latex paint or throwing puppies into volcanoes or something, I do know I’m up for a trip to wherever that is. Sign me up. Let’s go. Time’s wastin’. I’m packing right now.

I Seem To Have Located Russia’s Minister Of Total Random Awesomeness

I Seem To Have Located Russia’s Minister Of Total Random Awesomeness


Ah, Russia. I have no idea what the hell’s going on there, or why it is, and I suspect neither do the people that inhabit the place. Everything just happens, and in the wrong alphabet and season, too, and they film it on their stolen dashcams and release it to the entire world, which stretches from YouTube clear to LiveLeak.

No way to tell if Putin gives the Minister Of Random Awesomeness a salary, or he pays Putin for the privilege of smearing himself with last season’s snow and pulling more babes than a Cyrillic Elvis. Either way, it’s a good gig.