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Category: rally cars

Stop Trying To Make Subarus Cool

Stop Trying To Make Subarus Cool

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I’m sorry, but Subarus can’t be cool. It’s an impossibility. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many wild, wacky stunts you perform in and around one, no matter how many sugar-caffeine-taurine drinks sponsor you, no matter how many leggy supermodels you get to stand next to your vehicles, you’ll always be a frumpy wagon with an elderly golden retriever in the back, a cross-country ski rack on the roof, and an elaborate lidded coffee mug in the cup holder. Embrace the meh.

(Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

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I like to think that if you try as hard as you can and do your best anything is possible. Sometimes your best isn’t good enough. Sometimes your best puts you ten feet up a tree after flipping your car off an embankment, but your best is what gets you back on the road. Any other rally car drivers would have thrown up their hands and said, “Welp, I guess the race is over.” I really wouldn’t have blamed them. I would have done the exact same thing.

Something is different with these two fellows. They weren’t going to let the race get away from them under any circumstances. I swear, if they couldn’t start their car they would have pushed it across the finish line. They performed beyond the call of duty and deserve a medal of some sort. I don’t have any medals on hand, but if I did I’d cover them head to toe in respectable bling. They’d make a very satisfying clinking sound when they walk and that would make it all worth it.

You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff

You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff

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You can tell this race is extra hardcore, because they’re using the spectators as mileposts and curbstones and bollards. Spectators don’t have much stopping power, but they pay extra to sit on the curb. Everyone knows that if you hit water hard enough it’s just like hitting concrete. I’m almost positive the same applies to humans. Not that it would ever come to that. The driver seems like he could hit the apex of any corner on Earth at mach speed, driving a golf cart with three wheels, while blindfolded. The golf cart he’s driving in the video seems to have all four wheels, so he’s at a definite advantage.

Every good job has a cool uniform, and their fireproof pajamas are some of the coolest I’ve seen. I guess to them racing is just a job. Just another day at the office. The only difference between me and them is my office doesn’t have 552 horsepower — and I don’t work in an office.