I’m sorry, but Subarus can’t be cool. It’s an impossibility. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many wild, wacky stunts you perform in and around one, no matter how many sugar-caffeine-taurine drinks sponsor you, no matter how many leggy supermodels you get to stand next to your vehicles, you’ll always be a frumpy wagon with an elderly golden retriever in the back, a cross-country ski rack on the roof, and an elaborate lidded coffee mug in the cup holder. Embrace the meh.

(Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along)