I used to live in a crowded apartment building, where I would blast my favorite Steely Dan records over the loudspeakers. I got similar results as this guy. The music was so loud the furniture was moving. You’d think this would bother the neighbors, but strangely, they never said anything about it. Eventually, I decided to do an experiment: how loud can I make the music before the neighbors complain? I’d turn up my speakers a little more every night, but still didn’t get any visitors. Finally, after five days of blasting Steely over the speakers, the landlord came over and said, “The other tenants are complaining that no matter how loudly they knock on your door, you never answer it.”
My name is Harold, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of making women swoon that I developed over two seasons of picking up hot chicks at the nursing home. It’s called Harold Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to play the accordion with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
Wine, women, spirits, and gunshots: if your party has at least three of these things then it’s probably a pretty dang good fiesta. You get bonus points if the police are called. Matching hats aren’t required, but they definitely help.
It’s a well known fact that accordions are the number one cause of fights, riots, and venereal diseases worldwide. The only reason they haven’t been banned yet is because the sudden influx of unemployed accordion players would probably cause mass hysteria. Many governments have elected to legalize accordions for personal use, but it seems like nothing can stop the mayhem caused by rogue accordion players.
I think it’s in everyone’s best interest to regulate accordion usage to private parties and events. The accordion is too powerful to be stopped, we can only hope to contain it.