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Category: Japan

Oh, The Humanity

Oh, The Humanity

What a disaster. This video makes the Hindenburg look like a kid dropping his ice cream cone into a swamp. Even the Titanic pales in comparison to this ludicrous display. It has every element needed for a national tragedy: dogs, misshapen women, and leotards.

There’s no hope in ever undoing the damage that has been wrought. I’m pretty sure this video gave me brain damage, but not so you’d notice. It’s that good, subtle, brain damage. The kind that makes everything taste like chicken.

[Many thanks to the intertunnel cosmonaut Tim for sending this one along.]

Real Men Block With Their Face

Real Men Block With Their Face

If every fight looked like this I might actually pay attention to boxing. I refuse to spend forty dollars on pay-per-view to watch two overgrown men tickle each other. That’s what professional wrestling is for.

I paid to see some action. I want to see some blood and guts. I want to see the boxers turn on the ref and start beating him to a pulp after they get bored with each other. There needs to be more ear biting, crotch smashing, chest pounding action. Fighting should look more like a Black Friday sale at Walmart, and less like two men hugging out their feelings for 45 minutes. But I digress.

Our Japanese friends have once again shown us the way. They have discovered that our brain is encased in a thick layer of bone that no fist can penetrate. Which just proves that blocking is an inferior tactic. It shows weakness. Your opponent can’t crack your head open and feast on the goo inside, so there’s no reason to act like such a big sissy. Put your chin up and your dukes out. What doesn’t kill you makes for excellent television.

Hey, Fellas — Hold My Saké And Watch This

Hey, Fellas — Hold My Saké And Watch This

Oh boy, more adventures on the Cyrillic side of Youtube. Any video title starting with a backwards R immediately garners my fullest attention, but I smell a rat. The fellow in the video is speaking Japanese and the video is obviously not taken from the dashcam of a minivan plowing through Saint Petersburg. So what gives? The distinct lack of vehicular manslaughter proves my point even further. Something is rotten in Denmark — err, I mean Vladivostok.

On closer inspection I have concluded that the video is a perfect hybrid of Japanese weirdness and Cyrillic nonsense. You have the Japanese fellow attempting to brush his teeth with an air pistol, and the Cyrillic gibberish to show that he means business. He does a pretty thorough job too, in between screams.

You’ll notice that he’s just as surprised as anyone else that it works.

[Many thanks to the illustrious Jonathan Frost-Johnson for sending us this video]

I Don’t Speak Japanese, But It Appears That They Have A Sumo Wrestler That’s William Tell And Natty Bumppo Rolled Into One

I Don’t Speak Japanese, But It Appears That They Have A Sumo Wrestler That’s William Tell And Natty Bumppo Rolled Into One


Dude is big enough to produce his own gravity, but it doesn’t seem to affect the trajectory all that much. If this was filmed in America, he’d be covered in advertising spangles, and jumping up and down like an insane woman on The Price Is Right after he hit it.

I can picture his first day with his archery coach: “OK, stand still. Whoah, you’re good at that, aren’t you?”