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Category: hold my Red Bull and watch this

Gotta Go Fast

Gotta Go Fast

When the title said 1000 mph office I was expecting something slightly different. I wanted to see a four story brick building filled with code monkeys barreling into orbit, but I guess a car is alright too. Well, it’s more of a land-bound rocket than a car, but I won’t tell if you don’t tell.

I’m hoping that when he gets done breaking the world land speed record he uses his office for actual work. You know, set up a nice desk, plug in a laptop, and start filling out spreadsheets or whatever it is people with real jobs do. I wouldn’t know, I spend all my time correcting people on the internet. It’s a dirty job, but someone has got to do it.

[Many thanks to illustrious Gerard at American Digest for sending this video along]

Remember Kids, It’s Only Illegal If You Get Caught

Remember Kids, It’s Only Illegal If You Get Caught

[Warning: Some salty language muttered throughout the video]

Everyone needs a hobby. Some people collect stamps, others like to crash tiny model trains. I often enjoy showing off my vast collection of headless Barbie dolls, but I digress. Tactically hurling yourself off a building is as respectable a hobby as any other. Nothing beats the feeling of the wind in your hair, the bugs in your teeth, and the sudden adrenaline rush you get from crashing headlong into a traffic light,  but —

I noticed that in the video description that our friends have listed the names of all their various attorneys and legal advisers, which begs the question. What on Earth would drive these nice rambunctious young men to hang out with lawyers? It seems that their failed flying attempts are not as legal as one would first assume. There are some matters of trespassing and safety that get brought up, but I’m of the opinion that gravity will sort them all out in the end. Getting past security is probably a lot more dangerous than the fall.

Well, At Least His Parents Can Look On The Bright Side

Well, At Least His Parents Can Look On The Bright Side

I firmly believe there’s a bright side to any situation.

Now don’t get me wrong. Not for me, so much. If it was raining soup, I’d bring a fork. But for most people, every cloud has a sliver lining. Every thunderstorm brings the sun. Every winter has its spring. Except this last one, of course.

No, this fine young lad’s parents should look on the bright side. Their idiot son is standing on one hand acting like a fool on the Intertunnel where everyone can see him. But they can sleep peacefully at night, serene in the knowledge that at least he isn’t a mime.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest, who has chunks of mimes in his stool, for sending that one along]

Excuse Me, Do You Speak Bro?

Excuse Me, Do You Speak Bro?

The Bro accent was very strong there, and my Bro is a little rusty, so I’m not exactly sure how Travis Pastrami, or whatever his name was, fits in there, but he’s Eiffel-Towering someone named Ethan, only spelled wrong, and his brother is named Josh, which is a very Bro name indeed, and Josh says he can’t perform star-spangled loopty-loops on a bicycle as well as Ethan with the orthographically-challenged parents. Got it.

Never mind all that. The fascinating part is that somewhere, someone wondered aloud: What if we had a polygamous marriage between pro wrestling, tractor pulls, and a paper route, and sold tickets?

I’d call it genius, but genius would be a step back for such a mind.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along. Calling him a genius wouldn’t be a step back for him. More like a sideways move]