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Category: hold my Red Bull and watch this

If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Pipeline Playing In The Distance

If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Pipeline Playing In The Distance

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He’s in the middle of the water, yet he’s wearing a helmet. I’m not sure what he thinks he’s going to hit his head on. Maybe the helmet is keeping his shattered skull together after a failed attempt at a different stunt, but it’s still quite confusing. Why a helmet and not a life jacket? That seems much more practical. While being practical isn’t my strong suit, I can usually identify, target, and hunt down the practical. Then again, having an aquatic dirt bike isn’t exactly the most practical thing in the world.

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People Are Alright — I Guess

People Are Alright — I Guess

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I don’ very much care for people. It’s nothing personal. I don’t specifically dislike anyone. I just have an inherent distrust for people of all ages, creeds, heights, weights, and hat sizes. You could be the virtuous bastard lovechild of Gandhi, St. Peter, and Mother Teresa, and I still wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you. I’ve got very little upper-body strength, so that wouldn’t be very far.

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It’s Not The Fall That Kills You — It’s The Sudden Stop At The End

It’s Not The Fall That Kills You — It’s The Sudden Stop At The End

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Falling down has never looked this good. I think the whole not dying part helps make it a lot more appealing than it normally would be. I’m all for falling off of high things, but I have stuff to do afterwards. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t like the idea of coughing up my splintered shins after a decent fall. I’m a proponent of falling off of small ledges and other obstacles that you can safely walk away from afterwards. Every once in a while, some pansy might rupture their spleen, but what difference does it make? As long as no one goes splat, there isn’t an issue.

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Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

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Ghost ride the whip and etc. Keep it real. I much prefer to keep it fake, but that’s just me. I never got wrapped up in the whole rap lingo thing. I can barely speak English, so I avoid learning new languages. I nonsensically mutter enough as it is. I’m not sure what I’d sound like when you combine it with the subtleties of gangsta rap.

Good day, gentlemen. Would you care to direct me to where da hood at? You see, it doesn’t sound right when I do it. I enunciate it all wrong. My attitude isn’t in the right place. I haven’t participated in enough drive-bys or robbed enough liquor stores to get the right feeling. I’ll never be da realest gangsta around.

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