A very reliable source told me that they’re speaking English. I’m sure they’d bash your head in for even mentioning the English in their presence, but I still can’t verify my source’s claims that any part of the English language was used in the making of this video. I can tell you with some confidence that they are indeed speaking, breathing, and responding to outside stimuli. Everything else is up for debate.
I heard that Jerry Miculek can eat a bowl of nails without any milk. I heard he once killed Wolafman Jack with a trident, and then he hunted down and killed the banana splits with a machete. I heard he organized a merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson. It’s a little known fact that the Miculek family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong. I heard he drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls, which is probably why Jerry Miculek is the only person Chuck Norris truly fears.
Famous actors have a long history of getting completely blitzed and accidentally appearing in wine ads. Believe me, no one appears in a wine ad on purpose. Even if you drove up to Orson Welles’ house with a dump truck full of money he would be hesitant to show up. The only reason he’s in this ad is because he’s on the tail-end of a three-week bender. If he blew into a breathalyzer it’d show up as yes.
There have been times when sober actors have appeared in wine ads, but they didn’t want to be there either. James Mason looks like he’s being held at gunpoint in the lobby of a Motel 6. You can tell that he’s holding back tears as the producer motions for him to take a sip at the end. There’s only so much you can make a man do under duress, but no power on this planet can compel James Mason to drink Thunderbird wine.
Orson Welles, on the other hand, carries a bottle of Thunderbird wine on his person at all times.