Imagine what you could do with a big lighter. You could start a campfire in mere seconds. You could also bring this bad boy to a concert and show how much you love the band. Or you could light all 68 candles on your mother’s birthday cake and cook the frosting a little.
Just imagine these things, of course. Don’t actually do them.
Forget Neck-Pillows, This is the Kind of Comfort I Crave
The nice thing about this helmet-gizmo is you get a comfy head pillow after the accident. You’d be pretty wiped out after a turbulent ride, so a big pillow is just what you need. And this isn’t just for after the accident; you now have a head pillow you can use for a long time. I bought this helmet and deliberately crashed my bike just so I can have a decent pillow at night.
My doctor says I may not walk again and that I’m a complete dolt, but a man needs his sleep!
The nice thing about this contraption is it adds to the property value of the house. Suppose you sell the house and move on to bigger and better things. Just leave the “Labyrinth” right where it is and the realtors will flip, and so will potential buyers. When the house hits the market, everyone is gonna try and get their hands on the fantastic ball machine that dwells within; it’s a selling point. Forget swimming pools and geothermal thingamajigs; this is what house hunters truly want.
Trust me, I have one in my house and boy, are my neighbors envious.
If the Women Don’t Find You Handsome, They Ought to Find You Handy
I met a guy like this once. The handy type. He was an auto mechanic by trade and he claimed he could fix absolutely anything. In the time I knew him, I watched him fix three burnt out cars, twelve old lamps, and he even rewired two whole houses. Since we were somewhat friendly, he offered to fix anything I needed, free of charge. This was very generous of him, so I called him up the other day to ask for some help with a few odds and ends. However, I was quite disappointed when he flatly refused to help. He said, “Sorry bud, I really can’t help you with that. That’s between you, God, and your proctologist.”
Ever since then, I lost all respect for the man — and I still can’t sit down.