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Category: boats

That’s All Well And Good And All…

That’s All Well And Good And All…


OK, so the boat’s on fire. The firey boat is full of fuel, promising further firey boat goodness. The skipper has abandoned ship, Gilligan is pan roasted by now, Ginger is back in her trailer on the set calling her agent demanding a real career. So far I get it.

Then Mister Fireboat shows up. He swings into action. He’s not afraid of a little gasoline-fueled explosion. He’s probably not afraid because he’s just a regular boater, so that means he’s drunk. He should be afraid, but he isn’t; it’s the hallmark of the True Borderline Sociopathic Boy.

OK, so he saves the flaming boat. He don’t need no steenkin’ hoses, or ladders, or firetrucks, or extinguishers, or anything your run of the mill fireman needs. I only have one question: How’s he going to get a cat out of a tree using a speedboat? Huh, smart guy?

[Many thanks to friend of the BSBFB Charles Schneider for sending that one along]

The Borderline Boy Occasionally Gets Kinda Ripe, And Needs A Good Rinsing Off

The Borderline Boy Occasionally Gets Kinda Ripe, And Needs A Good Rinsing Off


Coasties have to practice dragging your sorry ass out of the ocean, you know. I was sorta hoping they were going to go way out to sea, and throw the Black Eyed Peas overboard, but they threw the Crash Test Dummies overboard instead. To each his own.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for bobbing on over and leaving that in our inbox]

Submarines, Boats, Or Helicopters. Make. Up. Your. Minds

Submarines, Boats, Or Helicopters. Make. Up. Your. Minds

These fellows seem confused. They can kill you with a harsh word, probably, or maybe a dirty look. You’re an Intertunnel pansy, of course, so they don’t really even need weapons. But they do seem at sixes and sevens. They can’t decide if they want to be helicopter commandos or submarine badboys or boat badasses or what. I half expected them to park an F-16 in there behind the rubber boat, then shoot a rocket back out to cover all the bases.

Well, whatever they’re doing, I imagine the other fellows are dead already, so it doesn’t much matter.

Now, This Russian Guy Is A PROFESSIONAL

Now, This Russian Guy Is A PROFESSIONAL


My driving advice to everyone, be you Slav or Croat, Frank or Anglo-Saxon, is to “keep it between the trees.” Of course, it’s not crazy Ivan’s fault that the trees ended, and he was faced with decision-making time. One could fault his decision-making skills, of course, but this is a Russian dashcam video; by the standards of Russian dashcam videos, this dude is a phlegmatic genius. Normally in these situations, there’s a four-hundred-car pileup and some sort of explosion visible from space stations.

Not this guy. He goes in the river LIKE A BOSS. Watch it again. Disregard his calm, composed speech. Never mind his steady hand on the tiller, er, wheel as he enters the maelstrom. Forget all that. After he hits the guardrail, on the way down the slope, he TURNS THE WINDSHIELD WIPERS ON.

You wish — you dream — you were half as Russian as this guy.