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Category: boats

Forget Breaking Up. Backing Up Is Hard To Do

Forget Breaking Up. Backing Up Is Hard To Do

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Oh dear. It’s boat launching season again! It’s when the laws of gravity, and physics, and buoyancy, and just plain laws are all cast to the ground and trod upon. Well, that’s not exactly accurate. Some are drowned.

I love the two-ton cars pulling three-ton boats. The intrepid jet ski enthusiasts who figure, hey, trucks are made of steel, and steel is strong. There are several hardy souls bucking to become a senator from Massachusetts. But they saved the best for last. If you don’t come back from a day on the water in that condition, there’s no sense going.

We’re Men. We Make Things

We’re Men. We Make Things

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We can’t help ourselves, really.

We generally make a mess, of course. Make noise. Make trouble.  Make problems. Cause complications and anxiety. We darken your doorstep and dirty your dishes and drink your booze and leave the refrigerator door open.

When all else fails, we do something useful.

Said It Before, I’ll Say It Again: It’s All Conversation Compared To The Military

Said It Before, I’ll Say It Again: It’s All Conversation Compared To The Military

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We’re paying attention to the choppah pilot and the boat, as is appropriate, of course, but let’s take a moment to consider: The Man With the Flags. We could call him the Landing Signal Officer, but where’s the fun in that? He’s The Man With the Flags to us. It’s much jauntier, don’t you think?

I don’t think it would be a very pleasant place to stand, that spot that The Man With the Flags stands in. The pilot at least has a windshield between him and Armageddon. The boat captain is wearing a very big suit of armor indeed. But The Man With the Flags is just out there in his uni, waving his arms around and muttering to himself like a man with Tourette’s, hoping that dang flier doesn’t sneeze at an inopportune moment and send The Man With the Flags into an improvised heli-patrolboat cuisinart.

Here’s to you, Man With the Flags. We salute you! But don’t salute back just now, or Orville will ditch it in the Atlantic and you’ll get busted back to swabbie.

Boating Should Never Be Attempted Sober

Boating Should Never Be Attempted Sober

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qHdPhkSSNQ

Now, I don’t like to argue with ads, but I feel like this one is a little inaccurate. The only way that fellow could possibly have docked his boat with such bravado is if he was completely blitzed. And I mean absolutely smashed. Completely derailed. I’m talking white-girl wasted. Boating can be dangerous if you’re sober, so why take the risk? Down whatever you can find and hit the seas. Now you won’t have to worry about the dangers of boating, and you can actually enjoy it instead of focusing on every minute detail.

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