This looks like it would be marvelous fun, if it wasn’t for the constant risk of driving headlong into a lamppost. At least there’s a good chance that a couple of squishy spectators will cushion your crash, but humans don’t make very good air bags.
My name is Kamer Kolar, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of going real fast, dude, that I developed over two seasons of drinking three Red Bulls before breakfast, a Monster before lunch, and three more Red Bulls before dinner. It’s called Kamer Kolar Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to dominate some gnarly corners with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
Good evening, everyone. On tonight’s episode of Will It Shred, we’ll be shredding the hopes and dreams of every 11-year-old kid in America — or the only transportation that a 40-year-old with 3 DUIs can afford. That’s right, folks: when you’re banned from riding the bus because of your indecent exposure charges, you get a bike. Two wheels semi-inflated wheels, a seat that makes impalement look comfy, and a bell to annoy the neighbors, a bike is man’s best friend if all of your friends are dead or not returning your calls. On tonight’s show we’re throwing some bicycles into our shredder and seeing what happens. And now, a word from our sponsors.
It was very nice of them to compile the next 230 BSBFB posts into one video, now I won’t need to write anything until August 3rd, 2015. I wonder what I’ll do with all of my new-found, free time. Maybe I can finally figure out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. Perhaps I can get to work on my semi-erotic novelette: The Manly Art Of Knitting.
Either way, I think I’ll miss posting here. I’ve grown very fond of picking on the dismally disabled and alienating most of my readership. Oh, what the heck; I’ll be back with a new video tomorrow. The world needs more blog posts and less erotic novelettes. I’m still going to work on that tootsie pop though.