Let’s face it. Squidward Tentacles was right: In the future, everything is chrome. Or more accurately, we should go back to the future, and make everything chrome again. Your car should weigh three tons and get eight miles per gallon, and a full ton of that weight should be fins and chrome trim. Your washing machine should have some chrome on it, and shake your house to pieces on heavy wash cycles. And your toaster should be chrome, weigh more than a poodle, and work like this one.
Yeah, but 1950 had Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe, and Sophia Loren. Advantage: ’50s.
I’ve talked about handy men before, but now we have another breed of handy men. These men praise their hands. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a big fan of opposable thumbs and all that, but I think “Unus” here is making too big a deal out of them. He believes his hands are the best thing ever just because he can stand on them and spin some rings with them. I say forget the hands and let’s talk about your legs, which survived a ten foot drop! Shouldn’t you be more concerned about those? You just might be a superhero.
Elvis was looking forward to his next gig. Things were looking up for him. He marched onto the stage with confidence. However, after the spotlight came on, he realized that he forgot all of his songs. Suddenly, Elvis was nervous and fearful. In the heat of the moment and without any songs to sing, he just decided to do whatever. The King danced like a maniac and buffed the floor with his shoes. He smacked his guitar over and over, only sometimes producing an actual tone. Finally, he threw in some hollers here and there for good measure. It was the silliest show in his entire career.
And the crowd goes wild.