There really isn’t any practical reason to ride a motorcycle, is there? While it has more legroom than a Honda Fit, and more horsepower than a Lexus, it’s not really a practical mode of transportation for most people. For instance, when you’re coming home after being out shopping, where are you going to carry your bacon, whiskey, shotgun shells, and cans of Beefaroni?

Let’s face facts. Motorcycles are for showing off. They’re designed for doing donuts and impromptu dermabrasion. There’s really no reason to own one except to take a spin on the organ donor roulette wheel once in a while. Even if you wear a helmet that isn’t a do-rag, sooner or later grandma is going to pull out of her driveway without looking and T-bone your sorry ass. You might as well perfect your pavement handshake now. Sooner or later, it’ll come in handy, I tell you what.