Gurbanguly Mälikgulyýewiç Berdimuhamedow! Gesundheit

Gurbanguly Mälikgulyýewiç Berdimuhamedow! Gesundheit

That’s President Gurbanguly Mälikgulyýewiç Berdimuhamedow to you, pal. Old Deerslayer Eyechart here is the President of Turkmenistan. He’s a badass. If you don’t believe he’s a badass, just ask him, and he’ll tell you. Clap, clap, clap.

The proof is right there in front of your eyes. There’s a row of parafantryairbomortarfodder dudes standing in a line and clapping for the guy. It’s obvious from their camouflaged garanimal outfits that they’re some heavy dudes. None can approach the monobrow awesomeness of Old Deerslayer Eyechart, but they must be pretty serious, too. Clap, clap, clap.

You’d be impressed, too, if you saw your Lord High Muckymuck shooting things at 20-foot range with the kind of ammo Americans give to children. With a scope, no less. Clap, clap, clap. Then he throws knives at the target! He throws them instead of leaning over another eighteen inches and sticking them in, but, hey, clap, clap, clap.

Old Deerslayer Eyechart was re-elected this past February, but he only got 98 percent of the vote, so he’s still got some work to do on his popularity. Those last 2 percent aren’t going to disappear themselves, Gurbanguly. Get busy. Clap, clap, clap.

4 thoughts on “Gurbanguly Mälikgulyýewiç Berdimuhamedow! Gesundheit

  1. Never mind the military high jinks. Turkmenians are better at table dancing, I think, than almost anyone on the Central Asian Plateau.

    Did you hear about the Uzbeki, the Turkmenian, and the Kazahki who walked into a bar? Neither did I, since the nearest bar is Moscow, and it’s always full.

    This is fun.

  2. I will forever think less of myself for not finding this first. Damn you, BSSBB! ( I’ll always love you)

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