Dude. HIGH FIVE! Bro. JUMP! DudeBro. HOP! HIGH FIVE! Guy. SYNCHRONIZED HOP! HIGH FIVE! DOOOOD…

I hate to break it to you, but there comes a time in every man’s life, generally when the first hair comes out of your chin, when it’s time to put away the pogo stick. Let’s consult scripture:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away the pogo stick.

There are danger signs in this world. Little clues that you’re off the rails. Leather pants worn by people who don’t ride motorcycles is one. Wearing a helmet to use a pogo stick is another.

You boys should get yourselves a car. Not just any car, either. A big old Buick with a back seat like a sectional. Pick up a girl in it. Drive to one of those secluded overlooks you’re always pogoing on. Go into the back seat. Let the true nature of man and woman take its course.

Oh, yeah, almost forgot. Don’t wear a hockey helmet for that, either.