The James Bond film name is a bizarre thing. It’s as reliable in form as it is unreliable in content. A new bond film comes out every few years like clockwork. The James Bond film franchise is older and more structurally sound than most sub-Saharan African countries, and yet everyone is surprised when a new one is announced. If there’s one certainty in life, it’s that someone, somewhere, is going to make another Bond movie.

However, things get a bit stranger when you consider that the best portrayal of play James Bond was done a slurring Scotsman wearing a hairpiece. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just saying that the bar wasn’t set very high, yet no one could measure up.

Roger Moore came the closest and he was covered from head to toe in liver spots and had to be wheeled off-set in a wheelchair at the end of every take, so he could recuperate in an oxygen tent and watch Matlock. That’s not acting, that’s elder abuse.