When I was a kid I always wanted to be a scientist, but I kept drinking all the contents of whatever we were working on in lab class. Apparently that makes it much more difficult to be a scientist. It also makes it much more difficult to breathe and see properly, but I didn’t find that out until I had time to digest everything.

Maybe it’s for the best that I’m not a scientist. I’m much more suited to being an international man of dysentery. Let the nerds keep their test tubes and I’ll keep all the hot scientist babes, that’s what I always say.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FIMvSp01C8

[Many thanks to longtime reader, first-time caller Kristen for sending this video our way]