I adore cooking. I cook all the time. I make sandwiches, toast, hot dogs; you name it, I’ve done it. Sometimes, if I’m feeling really wild, I cook up a bag of Tyson chicken.

I really am a connoisseur when it comes to my ingredients. Only the finest bagged chicken for me; none of that Great Value crap. It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken, and it takes an ever stronger man to buy good ingredients. If I used any old kind of frozen chicken tenders, I wouldn’t be able to bring out the pure, rubbery taste that comes from high-quality tenders. Every single cooking show I’ve ever seen has stressed the importance of good ingredients, and tee vee hasn’t let me down yet.

The only way I could become a better chef is if someone teaches me how to use the microwave — you can only do so much with a toaster oven.