I have never wanted anything more than I’ve wanted that bottle of warter. I don’t know what it is and I don’t know what it does, but I want it now. I want to bathe in it if I he’ll give me enough bottles. If I could cover myself in warter, I think I’d die a happy man.

Unfortunately warter is rather hard to find online. I’ve had similar trouble finding malk and other bizarre beverages. Luckily, you can always buy Brawndo: the thirst mutilator. Brawndo is the only energy drink that I would ever imbibe. It’s got what my body craves.Brawndo makes Redbull look like skim milk. It makes Monster look like a can of sugar-free lemonade. It makes Rockstar look like a decaf, mocha-frappe with extra foam on top. Brawndo is the drink of champions — It’s got electrolytes.