As many people have pointed out, I am a mixture between a drooling moron and a Luddite. I don’t take it personally because I am quite fond of being an idiot. Ignorance is bliss, and idiocy is the purest form of happiness.
When I went to school I had to take the shortest of short buses. My bus had two seats, one axle, and an imprint of my butt where I would sit. The driver would drop me off in the middle of a field and I would eat mud all day, because attempting to educate me bankrupted the entire state of Massachusetts at one point. They completely gave up after I left the first grade, so I was left to my own devices for many years.
After a while I got bored and made a vague attempt to educate myself. I’m still on the spectrum of vapid idiocy, but there is some hope. After watching this video I wondered how much one of these watches would cost. After a quick search I found out that a watch made by Patek Philippe is worth well over 500,000 dollars, with some advanced models costing 990,000 dollars. I was taken aback, startled, and very confused.
Does this watch cure cancer? Is it the key to immortality? Will it fix my receding hairline and secure my place in the afterlife? Hoping to find some answers a dove deeper, and found five reviews for the watch in question. Overall, the 990,000 dollar watch had an average review score of three out of five stars. Not only have five people actually bought the watch, but three of them gave it a review of two stars or fewer. One review eloquently states, “Isn’t even actually a watch” and another says “It was not really worth it”.
Now, I may be an absurdly dressed, window-licking, knee-biting dullard, but I’m coming to accept it. At least I haven’t bought any 990,000 dollar watches recently.