Admit it. The only reason to watch golf on TV is to see good weather. Well, it used to be, but even that doesn’t apply anymore. There’s too much money involved, so they play in crappy weather now, too. Bah.

Personally, I think this video shows us the way to make golf interesting as a spectator sport. It’s great, of course, but it doesn’t go far enough. Then again, people like me don’t think Attila the Hun went far enough, so take that into consideration. But anyway, you could make golf much more compelling as a spectator sport by using one simple trick: Add defense.

That’s right. Why let people just futz around and aim and talk to a flunkey and test the breeze and polish their balls while they leave quarters all over the green? First of all, we pave that green. Throw away half the clubs and put baseball bats and vuvuzelas and BB guns in there instead. Anything goes. I don’t want flabby guys that look like TV weathermen putting and tipping their cap anymore. I want a cross between the Road Warrior and field hockey.

And yacht racing? Two words: deck guns.

[Thanks to the indispensable Charles Schneider for sending that one along]