I need this guy to be my plumber. No more Lo-Flo toilets for me. Get him on the job for a couple days, and you’d have to call the Sewer Department and tell them to evacuate (no pun intended) before you flushed the toilet. The sink would have three knobs: Hot, Cold, and some sort of OMG. Every room would have hot and cold running potato chips. The dishwasher would process uranium. It would be glorious.

And when he was finished, I’d double his pay if he’d read Hop On Pop to me.