My Japannaise is a little rusty, but here goes:

HA! We’re Japanese! If we sent 249 kids to your high school, and you sent one, we’d have a 249-way tie for valedictorian, and your kid would go to summer school! Ha!

But that means nothing! We’re insane. You people watch Jersey Shore on cable and think you’re watching weird losers. Where are the tentacles, we say? You Yanquis wait for Dale Earnpetty, or whatever his name is, to hit a wall when he forgets to go left, just to see a runaway tire. Why wait, we say? Let’s roll things down a hill we made for rolling things down a hill, and watch things rolling down a hill! Look at it roll! It’s rolling better than the last thing, which rolled pretty darn well. We measured it. We measure everything!

It will be spectacular! And even if it isn’t, we’ll exclaim and aver and blurt out and shout and rend the air with ejaculations of agitation and surprise!

Thankyouverymuch.

(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for rolling that down the Intertunnel at us)