The average Borderline Boy would have taken a run at Martha Stewart after four cocktails back in the day, but other than that, cable kitchen shows leave us cold. But we’re not barbarians — just heathens — so don’t give us any of that “wandering around out in the landscape drinking your own tinkle and eating grubs” business, either.

We want something civilized once in a while, and tire of just drag racing against the wire-haired man-goblin on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on the way to the take-out window. We skipped school a lot, but we want class. We want to create, and show a bit of our artistic, sensitive side. Finally; a cooking show for us: