Silly Me. I Always Thought A “Romanian Paint Job” Was A Wrestling Move

Silly Me. I Always Thought A “Romanian Paint Job” Was A Wrestling Move

The Borderline Sociopathic Boy is resourceful. Not like a Boy Scout. Boy Scouts wear sashes like beauty queens and help old ladies across the street. The Borderline boy wears Methyl Ethyl Ketone aftershave and works in the clothes he slept in.

And while they are as level-headed as the next guy would be while producing the Venturi effect with their own exertions, every once in a while they inhale when they’re supposed to be exhaling. But then they save on their bar bill, and come out ahead anyway.

(Thanks to friend of the BSBFB Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Dear Diary: I’m Thinking Of Reading The Instructions Now

Dear Diary: I’m Thinking Of Reading The Instructions Now

The manual is Cantonese, and I’m German, but what the hell. I once put together an IKEA shelf. Only took fourteen days. It’s leans to the left a bit, and you can’t put books on it, but I think it’s awesome. I should be able to repair a helicopter if I read a pamphlet. I’m a guy. Guys are good at that sort of thing.

(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along)

I’m James Three-Toed Kirk, Baby!

I’m James Three-Toed Kirk, Baby!

I’m a three-toed sloth, and I’ve fallen out of my tree into a speedboat.

Good god, I’m Neil Armstrong and Conan the Barbarian rolled into one. I’m Pizarro and Magellan and that Cabot fellow that couldn’t figure out how to spell his name. I’m the love child of Perseus and Usain Bolt. I am master of all I survey. I go where I please, and strike where I please, like the most ferocious Bedouin warrior. I am the king of my kind. An emperor! A god!

I don’t know where I am. I don’t know how this machine works. I don’t know what these strange, hairless creatures are, or what they want with me. But I do know one thing for certain: It will take a very long, long time to walk home.

Enough To Stop Us Be Men!

Enough To Stop Us Be Men!

As the famous philosopher Dirty Harry once said, A man’s got to know his limitations.

No, not this guy. He doesn’t have any limitations. You saw the video. He is the raison d’etre of the Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys. He is the ideal reader, and the subject matter.  No, I’m the one that has to acknowledge my limitations, and I do so freely right here and now: I can never compete with Google Translate for writing comedy. Need proof? Here’s the notes appended to the video, translated into interplanetary, extraordinary Anglish, baby:

Our business is to be men, our business work. We did not make a beautiful stay in fitting and waiting in lines. We do not stand at the stove with a spatula, we are not talking this jacket. We do not go to the shops for fun – we do not like to walk. We like to work. Work – this is our style. We’re doing big things big funds. No, we did not declare war on you, we just say enough. Enough to stop us be men! We have our own shopping. We do not buy and acquire. We are not looking, and choose. And we do not sell – because this man is priceless.

By the way; the discerning Borderline Boy reserves the chainsaw for the rutabagas. Cabbage only needs a machete.

(Thanks to Жерар at Американский дайджест for sending that one along)