Submarines, Boats, Or Helicopters. Make. Up. Your. Minds

Submarines, Boats, Or Helicopters. Make. Up. Your. Minds

These fellows seem confused. They can kill you with a harsh word, probably, or maybe a dirty look. You’re an Intertunnel pansy, of course, so they don’t really even need weapons. But they do seem at sixes and sevens. They can’t decide if they want to be helicopter commandos or submarine badboys or boat badasses or what. I half expected them to park an F-16 in there behind the rubber boat, then shoot a rocket back out to cover all the bases.

Well, whatever they’re doing, I imagine the other fellows are dead already, so it doesn’t much matter.

If You Get Bored, You Always Have Gravity. Gravity Never Lets You Down

If You Get Bored, You Always Have Gravity. Gravity Never Lets You Down


Friction’s overrated. Ask the guy in jorts that falls off his little cart halfway through the video how he feels about friction. Friction can turn on you.

But gravity? It’s always there for you. If you absolutely must make a YouTube video, and you’re out of ammo, and you don’t have enough gas in the car to get to the gas station to get more gas to set yourself and your surroundings on fire, and you’ve already driven into the above ground pool with a camera on your head anyway, gravity is there, waiting patiently, ready to drag you down amusingly into some sort of amusing crash.

Well, If You Insist On Falling Off A Mountain In The Winter, You Might As Well Strap A Legless Coffee Table To Your Feet

Well, If You Insist On Falling Off A Mountain In The Winter, You Might As Well Strap A Legless Coffee Table To Your Feet


Me? I’m a downhill guy. Two skinny boards made by recovering Nazis bolted to my feet with the bindings set to Green Stick Fracture. It’s silly to linger on a ski slope. They don’t serve liquor halfway down, you know. Best get to the bottom right quick. And if you were on the rope tow when I used it for a slalom course, I apologize.

But that’s old news. All the wild men snowboard now.

As We’ve Often Said, It’s All Conversation Compared To The Military

As We’ve Often Said, It’s All Conversation Compared To The Military


Yes, yes, we love videos of dudes rollerskating down volcanoes. Snowboarding off cliffs. Sure, you can climb up the side of an apartment block and run across the roof like a lemur. That’s swell. You can sit on an airbag wearing a hockey helmet and undershorts as good as the next guy, it’s true. We adore it all, every last loose tooth and road rash. But compared to the military, it’s all conversation.