Armyin’ Is Hard, Yo

Armyin’ Is Hard, Yo

Do not believe those commercials for the military you see at half time of the Buccaneers/Raiders game. The fountain pen you’re using to enlist doesn’t magically turn into a flaming saber and the clipboard doesn’t morph into a cuirass the minute you sign on the olive drab dotted line. You’ve got to go through basic training before you slay any dragons, dude or dudette. You have to sit on the bus and talk about shrimp first, Napoleon. It has always been thus.

Eisenhower had to get MacArthur’s coffee for a good long time before they let him up on the furniture. And no offense, but you’re no Eisenhower. So just try to hold the pin and throw the grenade, not the other way around, and do whatever the fellow with all the stripes and the stentorian voice tells you, and you’ll do fine.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along]

And On The Eighth Day, God Created Dashcams. And On A Really, Really Bad Saturday Night Not Long After That, He Got Hammered And Created Russians

And On The Eighth Day, God Created Dashcams. And On A Really, Really Bad Saturday Night Not Long After That, He Got Hammered And Created Russians


I’d say there was something in the water, but of course they don’t drink any of that. I’d chalk it up to all the Russian TV stations showing The Road Warrior on Saturday mornings instead of Sesame Street, but then we have to get into the whole nature vs. nurture thing, and that doesn’t explain the butcher knife the fellow keeps on the dashboard for emergencies. That’s more of a Cub Scout “be prepared” kind of thing. So we have to look at socialization into groups as well as in the home — a home I assume is on fire most of the time one way or the other.

Anyway, Russians are an enigma wrapped in a mystery and basted with vodak, with a dashcam pointed at them, no question; but we can learn so much from them about how to behave when, well, unusual circumstances rear their ugly heads. This video is no exception. So if a fight between Julia Child and Sam Spade breaks out in the future, I know how I’m going to bet.

Smoking Kills, Especially If The Excavator Operator Sneezes

Smoking Kills, Especially If The Excavator Operator Sneezes


This is what construction workers do to pass the time at a job where things are only flammable. Now imagine them over at Fukushima. Hey, man, watch me light my cigarette with this busted control rod! Look, I put reactor water in my thermos and use it for a nightlight! I went swimming in a retention pond, and now I make Spiderman look normal!

And no matter what, you just know that on top of asking his friend, “Got a light?”, he bummed that cigarette, too.

Gawwwwleeee Sergeant Carter…

Gawwwwleeee Sergeant Carter…


Private Urkel there on the left is so on “cleaning the latrine with his toothbrush” duty after the camera gets shut off.

“It only works if the round is in the chamber,” delivered sotto voce by the drill instructor, is the greatest putdown evar, but Private Urkel is just warming up at that point.