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Category: weapons

If Liberace Needed An Armorer, This Would Be His Go-To Guy

If Liberace Needed An Armorer, This Would Be His Go-To Guy

A Borderline Sociopathic blogger’s work is never done.

I preach from the great pulpit in the church of stripped and rusty bolts and tablesaws with the guards removed. I go forth into the multitude and sing the praises of driving at night with the lights off. The coffee table has gun oil stains on it, the local kids stay off my lawn without being asked — er, told.

But some people don’t listen. They go to their mother’s beauty parlor to get their hair cut, then go to the gym to pack on five pounds of feminine-looking muscle. Then they fashion weapons they saw on an episode of My Little Pony and growl at the world like a kitten.

One thing I’ve noticed about people ready for a zombie horde: they aren’t ready for anyone that’s not dead yet.

And On The Eighth Day, God Created Dashcams. And On A Really, Really Bad Saturday Night Not Long After That, He Got Hammered And Created Russians

And On The Eighth Day, God Created Dashcams. And On A Really, Really Bad Saturday Night Not Long After That, He Got Hammered And Created Russians


I’d say there was something in the water, but of course they don’t drink any of that. I’d chalk it up to all the Russian TV stations showing The Road Warrior on Saturday mornings instead of Sesame Street, but then we have to get into the whole nature vs. nurture thing, and that doesn’t explain the butcher knife the fellow keeps on the dashboard for emergencies. That’s more of a Cub Scout “be prepared” kind of thing. So we have to look at socialization into groups as well as in the home — a home I assume is on fire most of the time one way or the other.

Anyway, Russians are an enigma wrapped in a mystery and basted with vodak, with a dashcam pointed at them, no question; but we can learn so much from them about how to behave when, well, unusual circumstances rear their ugly heads. This video is no exception. So if a fight between Julia Child and Sam Spade breaks out in the future, I know how I’m going to bet.

Tonight On CBS: Bedside Katana!

Tonight On CBS: Bedside Katana!


Bit of a cough there at twenty-five seconds. Perhaps it should be: Somewhat Tubercular Samurai With A Bedside Katana. Hmmm. He seems a little… heavy for a samurai. Perhaps it should be: Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Bedside Katana. And that really doesn’t look like much of a bed; perhaps it’s a tatami. That would be in keeping with the whole Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Bedside Katana thang. So I guess we should call it: Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Tatami-side Katana. Now we’re getting somewhere. It trips off the tongue, really. But what’s with the shaky autofocus on the camera? Mebbe we should have called it: Unfocused, But Focusing, Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Tatami-side Katana.

And why does he have a trap case over there? That looks like sound reinforcement equipment. Is he planning on amplifying his awesomeness? Because that would be awesome. Then we could call it: Amplified, If Somewhat Unfocused, But Focusing, Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Tatami-side Katana Awesomeness.

I suppose we could just call him Internet Tough Guy. At least it will fit on the tee shirt.

I like A Weapon With The Personal Touch

I like A Weapon With The Personal Touch


I don’t care for those nuclear weapons. They have a hint of “baby with the bathwater.” And chemical weapons are so impersonal. You can’t even hang around and see what you’re doing for very long before you start coughing. Besides, they’re just bug bombs for people. Where’s the sense of fair play in that? Who would sign up to join a military run by the Orkin man? I wouldn’t. And tanks? No whimsy. I need whimsy in my defense procurement.

Now this thing I can get behind. A four-legged robot that throws concrete blocks with his head… er, fifth arm… er, fifth leg –its first arm that goes where his head goes — whatever. Anyway, I want legions of these babies marching over the horizon, instilling fear of unchecked masonry destruction on our enemies. They’ll never run out of ammo, either, as long as our foes have any partially built stripmalls around. It’s genius.