I’ve searched and searched. Looked high and low. Hither and yon. Here, there, and everywhere. I’ve questioned the authorities, and unsatisfied, I questioned authority and investigated the matter on my own. I’m ready to make a pronouncement. This is the least interesting man in the world.
If it was just a 17-minute video about trying to fix a busted generator, he wouldn’t win, place or show. Tedium is not enough. This fellow graduates to the big time, goes from single equis to two equis, when he decides to make a three-video epic out of his busted Generac. That’s when he seizes the prize, the title of The Least Interesting Man in the World.
Don’t give me any of that Madison Ave. beer commercial scheisse. Juan Manuel Fangio was the most interesting man in the world. Born in Argentina in 1911, he was the son of two Italian immigrants. His father worked as an apprentice stonemason, and his mother was a housekeeper. He dropped out of school when he was 13 to work as a mechanic. He served time in the Argentine military, and when he got out, he started rebuilding junk cars into race cars in a shed at his parents house. He drove a rebuilt Ford taxi in his first race. You call Uber to go two blocks.
Racing wasn’t like it is now. It was mostly held over long distances, often on dirt roads. Some of the races lasted two weeks. If your car broke down, you had to fix it yourself. He raced in all sorts of converted cars, Chevies and Fords, and won this and that. World War II came, and nothing much happened in racing until 1946. …
When I was a young man my father gave me some of the best advice I have ever been given.
“Son, if you learn to play the guitar and sing you will get girls. It’s as simple as that.”
Naturally, I ignored him as I had no interest in icky girls at the time; but I assume the same principle can be applied to most other instruments. It is absolutely logical that the glockenspiel or the wurlitzer is equally as attractive to those of the female persuasion as a guitar. From there a tuba is only a short leap away.
So our dear friend with the pillbox hat and the emphysemic cough is not just some weirdo. He is the best kind of weirdo. He is a visionary. A genius. This might be the most revolutionary move in the history of popular music. The tuba will soon take the place of the guitar in popular culture. Guitar Center will be forcibly renamed Tuba Center, and every band without a tuba player will be seen as deeply unfashionable. The world will see the first all tuba rock band premiering live on national television. It will be glorious, and I for one welcome our new tuba overlords.
The Most Interesting Man In The World Is The Second-Most-Interesting Man In The World
The Most Interesting Man In The World can’t carry the Supergeil Guy’s jock. The Most Interesting Man In The World is stuck in the self-checkout lane in Supergeil Guy’s supermarket, dragging his foodstuffs over the barcode reader over and over trying to get them to register, while Supergeil Guy is fondled by all the cashiers. Supergeil Guy sweats Viagra and exhales pheromones.
Ernest Hemingway shot himself because he owed Supergeil Guy money, and Supergeil Guy was coming to collect. True story.