For a full 45 seconds, I thought this was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. I started visualizing a future where I’d speed around on my uni-board, completely carefree, and with a righteous hairdo. I’d ride it absolutely everywhere, regardless of whether it was convenient, or even safe, to do so. I know I wouldn’t be able to ride it on the highway or freeways, but I’d always keep it at my side. I’d buckle it into the passenger seat if I had to drive anywhere, so I could hop on my board as soon as I arrived. I immediately fell in love with that board and I didn’t think that anything could change my mind — until I saw that it cost $1,500.
After that I managed to get over it pretty quickly. It’s good, but it isn’t that good — I guess.
Did they even watch the movies? Jeesh, it’s like they’re begging to be enslaved by quadrupeds. I mean, look at that thing. It’s 50 percent indestructible future-metal, 50 percent Arnold Swartzenegger fever dream, and 100 percent terrifying. A few brave souls tried to knock it over, but it can’t be stopped. I imagine that they were eviscerated as soon as the cameras stopped rolling, because the T-K9000 has no time for dissidents.
I don’t think our little robot friend is capable of bringing on the end of the world as we know it, but it’s getting a bit too close for comfort. If I ever see one of these running down my street I’m going to shoot first, and shoot again later just to be sure. I don’t know what it would be doing on my street in the first place, which is even more of a reason to shoot it on sight. The darn thing is obviously up to no good.
As soon as someone figures out that you can mount laser cannons to this thing and use it as a robot attack dog humanity is finished. Spot many only be about 3 percent as vicious as the average pitbull, but a pitbull won’t silently stalk you for hours before killing you and stealing your clothes. It might only have a battery life of ten minutes, but don’t worry — Spot’s programmed to play Arnold saying “I’ll be back.” on a loop until he fully recharges.
The Amish dude still knows more than the IT guy at the last job I had. It took him four years to put AS400 in a Window.
(Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending that one along)