This is exactly the kind of skill that’s bound to come in handy later in life. You never know when the Middle Ages are going to break out again. When they do, you’ll be ready, at least if you don’t die of typhus first.
And OK, I’ll answer the question before it gets asked: Yes, those pantaloons do make your ass look big.
Ah, longsword sparring practice. I remember back when I was in high school, longsword sparring practice was the class between Poultices, Humours, and Hexes, and Machiavelli for Dummies. Anyway, as is always the case in combat sports, it’s not wise to bet against the heavy-set dudes. The big ‘n tall types. The round mounds of pounds. Henry VII was a bag of guts, and he sent them packing at the Battle of the Spurs. If bludgeoning someone, or playing right tackle is involved, always lay your wagers on the bubble butts.
I’m not very fond of swords or anything, but they’re alright. It’s important to remember that those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t, which is more than enough of a reason to stay away from them entirely.
My name is Rex, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of self defense that I developed over two seasons of fighting in my mother’s basement. It’s called Rex Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.