There’s one fellow in the video who seems fairly confused. For a good portion of the proceedings, he’s wearing his trucker cap with the brim facing forward. I know, right? I’m surprised his friends didn’t disown him on the spot. How can any self-respecting dude-bro yell WHOOO with his hat on right? It’s an abomination. It also leads to more bad habits. If you turn your hat around forward, pretty soon you’re shaking hands instead of high-fiving. You might even try on a pair of long pants. Leather shoes with laces start to look good to you. Shirts with buttons. Before you know it, you’re talking to girls over dinner in restaurants that don’t have a drive through, and your friends won’t talk to you at all.
While I’m not too fond of the inevitable downfall of Western Civilization due to a killer-drone uprising, I will admit that they can make some mighty fine videos. Even the word drone bothers me. I’d much prefer to call the quadcopters or fancy RC helicopters. Drone conjures images of predator drones delivering high doses of explodey freedom to the furthest reaches of the world. I’d rather not use the same term for something my neighbor uses to watch me through my bathroom window while I’m showering.
Oh, the hell with that. I don’t want to grow up. I just want to get older. I want to be a giant kid, except I can drive myself to the Toys R Us, and use a credit card to buy whatever I want instead of sticky change I’ve collected for four years in a Dumbo bank.
I want to be able to by my own house so I can go out on the lawn and ruin it without anyone yelling at me. I want to dig worms for going fishing with an excavator, not mom’s garden trowel.
I want to go to the Seven Eleven and buy four hundred dollar’s-worth of D batteries. Just cuz.
OK, OK, so maybe she’s a little “broad in the beam.” When it’s Last Call, and Miss America ain’t showing up, the true Borderline Sociopathic Boy knows a girl wearing stack-soled go-go boots is worth a flyer. She’s up for anything. Why, I bet she’ll let you pick her up off the ground with two RC helicopters, and will also go halfsies on a suitcase of Bud Light. No sense looking a gift horse in the mouth.
(Sent along by Gerard at American Digest, who still picks up girls the old-fashioned way — hitchhikers)