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Category: movies

Greedo Totally Shot First

Greedo Totally Shot First

I really feel for the guy in the video. I hate when I get shot with a flare gun and die. It happens all the time and it’s really beginning to get on my nerves. My disembodied ears are still ringing from the last time. At least he got done in quick. After my last flare gun mishap I’ve been reduced to just a head in a jar. My insurance plan doesn’t cover recapitation so I’m stuck like this for all eternity. Now I use my tongue to type and my eyelids to scroll; it’s not so bad after you get used to not breathing or going to the bathroom. Pro tip: On the internet, nobody knows you’re a severed head.

A flare gun wouldn’t typically cause your entire body to disintegrate like you got hit with a holy hand grenade, but in this case it seems appropriate. A video without a violent explosion simply isn’t good enough. We have very high standards here at the BSBFB headquarters. Also, we some very delicious looking donuts in the break room, but no one will carry my jar over.

The True Borderline Sociopathic Boy Doesn’t Settle

The True Borderline Sociopathic Boy Doesn’t Settle

We don’t leave well enough alone. We tinker. We wonder if that bonfire could use a little accelerant. And by “a little” of course we mean, “a lot.”

So when we see Jurassic Park, we’re prone to just wave our hands and say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah blah; velociraptors. Whoopty.” And then we’d put something really vicious in there instead.

The true Borderline Boy doesn’t keep a vicious dog, because the true Borderline Boy bites people he doesn’t like himself, and doesn’t want to lose the fun of it by subcontracting it out to a rescued pit bull mix. We keep cats, because they’ll bite their friends, too, including you, five seconds after you fed them, if you unwisely get between them and the bowl. It’s the only true sign of  a worthy adversary.

The True Borderline Boy Dances At Inappropriate Times

The True Borderline Boy Dances At Inappropriate Times

Then again, there is no inappropriate time to dance to James Brown. Of course, if you don’t want dancing at your funeral, I’d tell the organist to stick to Chopin and lay off Sex Machine. 

Guy Fleegman exudes an aura of Borderline Sociopathic Boy at all times, doesn’t he?