Hey, did you know that making miniature cars from antique sewing machines is a “thing?” Me neither. But it is. There’s tons of guys on these here intertunnels making little sewing machine cars from old Singers. Of course I imagine the antique sewing machines were worth more before they got busted up for parts, but art ain’t always about commerce, is it?
The untamed fields of rich, wavy follicles adorning the face of every man can give an accurate picture of whether they’re the sort of person you want to associate yourself with. For example, growing out a full beard takes patience. Women are attracted to patient men because it means they’re perfectly suited to dealing with everyday problems in a level headed manner that won’t cause extra stress — and they can use the beard to store personal items.
A man with just a mustache can send mixed messages depending on the style of soup strainer they’re sporting. Anything along the lines of what Nietzsche had is acceptable, but after that it can get tricky. With a few strokes of a razor you can go from lumberjack, to pedophile, to genocidal dictator, so be careful out there.
Now, with all that information taken into account, we here at the BSBFB really can’t recommend drinking hair tonic to make your beard grow. It may be poison, which is bad enough, but it tastes like Zima, which is worse.
When it comes to man versus nature, man wins, and he’s been winning for the last 4,000 years or so. Nature really should throw in the towel at this point. She doing her best, but it’s not like she can hurt us much. We turn every animal she sends our way into a throw rug or a rotisserie dish. All the seasons are vaguely enjoyable if you have a snow shovel, skis, and/or air conditioning. Your average pestilence just makes us buy window screens at this point. The crust of the planet needs to crack open, with red hot lava bubbling up, to even get a reaction out of us anymore.
To be honest nature never stood a chance with competition like us around. Humans are quick-witted, adventurous, and supremely gifted in the opposable thumb department. Give a fully grown man a club and he can conquer the world. Give him a six pack and he can conquer the living room. Give him a stable internet connection and he can look at sketchy videos of scantily clad women all day without tiring. Give him an iron bar, and it’s goodbye moosie.
My name is Ronnie O’Sullivan and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of playing snooker that I developed over two seasons of fighting in pubs in Cork. It’s called O’Sullivan Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to play snooker with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.