My name is Max, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of going off sweet jumps that I learned over two seasons of jumping over the octagon. It’s called Max Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to do sweet jumps with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
You guys remember Icarus, don’t you? Well, this is Icarus’ little brother. The one they didn’t mention much. He wore that helmet you see in the video on the school bus. Licked the windows. Ate paste. You remember him in Geography class, don’t you? He thought the Ottoman Empire was a furniture store. Yea, that’s him; that’s the guy. He believes he can fly.
(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest, who knows that every man should believe in something, and generally has it covered by believing he’d like another drink)